If you won't
by Hecate's Rath
Summary: Then I won't. Charlie/Tonks drabble.


Author's Notes: For Bad Mum, whose reviews are lovely and inflate my ego much more than is healthy. Also because she mentioned in a review that she loved Charlie and Tonks together. So, Bad Mum, I hope this is acceptable!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

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Your arm is against my back and you're asleep—that or you're _really _good at pretending to be asleep, because your breathing is slow and even and warm and is sending chills down my back, possibly because it's caressing the back of my neck, but also maybe a little bit because of the electricity that crackles between us.

Then you shift against me and your skin is so _deliciously warm and real and there_ and I roll over and snuggle closer and you don't pull away and I _hold that close_ because the man I'm supposed to be in bed with isn't near as warm as you and any time I draw close, he pulls away.

And to be fair, I know it's with good reason, I mean, he feels guilty and all that other shit and you tell me that over and over and Merlin, you're more forgiving than I am and _I love you for that, so much_, but it's hard to be married to someone who shies from your touch.

I wish I wouldn't have done it, Charlie, I really do. I mean, I love Remus (I _do_) but there is none of the raw passion and unbridled energy and just… God, just _lust_ as there is in this relationship.

Which, yeah, lust isn't love, but all of it together is so… so potent, so addictive. You're my drug and I love you love you love you.

You're definitely asleep—you're drooling. That's okay; I love you for that, too. And I wore you out, I'm sure.

You told me once that if I wanted to run, you'd run with me, wherever I wanted to go. I wish I were that selfless, that dedicated. I wish I had the strength and the courage to just up and run as fast and as hard as I can in the other direction, holding your hand. But I'm… I'm not. God, Charlie, I'm not near as _good_ as you are, not near as… well, wonderful as you are. You're such a… a… a _beautiful_ man I just don't deserve you but for whatever reason, you've found some sort of beauty in me, too, and you stay.

I keep waiting for it to happen—for you to just get sick of it all one day and tell me to stay away from you because you can't handle the secrecy and the refusal and the kick in the face every time I have to kiss you goodbye and go back to Remus. But you haven't yet, and Merlin Charlie, I'm so so so thankful for that.

I love you. I can never say that enough to make up for all the times I have to leave and break your heart again, I know that, I _do_, but for what it's worth… I love you.

And when you pull me closer and tell me that if I won't say anything you won't I just… I fall even harder in love with you. You're my once in a life time and I love you love you love you.

And, Charlie, I'm so so so sorry—so sorry about all of this, about everything, about botching everything up. I just… I fell for the dark and the dangerous and the mystery and the… God, the sheer _adrenaline_ of it all.

That's something to tell the grandkids. "I married Granddad for the adrenaline rush."

But you're a better rush than Remus is, because Remus wears off—our love grows comfortable and easy and empty and I just… I want what you give me, so much.

And I want to break it off with Remus, and I know he'd agree, feed me some bullshit about my safety or something and it would be so _easy_—but I can't. And I don't know why, it doesn't make sense—that I would stay with something unfulfilling instead of just… just coming clean and making everyone (except maybe Remus) happier. But Remus would be happier, in a way, too, because he feels so guilty for "constantly putting me in danger."

I guess that's the Hufflepuff in me—some shit about loyalty or something that lurks inside and, God, Charlie, I just… I can't do it.

But I love you. I do. And know that, no matter what, I always will.

And if you won't break this off, then I won't. I'm yours for as long as you'll have my selfish stupid self. I'm _yours_.

If you won't, I won't.

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End file.
